just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
