On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i dont even know how to be here
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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