Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
