One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
