There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
