i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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