Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
