she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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