Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
