I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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