I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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