Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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