oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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