I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
