Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
