She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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