There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
