I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
