There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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