I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
