I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
