I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
