On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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