Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
