I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
