Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
