I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
