There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
