god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
