The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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