whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
