New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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