Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
