hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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