yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
