Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
