Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
