I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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