Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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