only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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