If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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