i just had sex bonerless
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
