We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
