The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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