So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
