If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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