Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
