see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
