I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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