fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
