ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
