Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
