why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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