I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
