And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
