i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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