he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
