I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
