tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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