i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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