my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
