and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
