Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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