at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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