I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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