not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
