I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
