Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
