Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
