dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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