I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
