i don't like sucking hair
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
