she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
