I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
