I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
