Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
