What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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