sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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