Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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